Mary my Love
by apedarling
Summary: something is going on with tony and his family try to survive wondering.
1. Promises

Mary my Love.

Chapter One: Promise.

_Ok so I know this little girl named Mary. And I love her to death so I decided to make her a tiva kid;) Because she's that awesome. The story in my head so far doesn't really revolve around her; I guess she's just in it. Give me any ideas if you think I should change the title or have more Mary in it. Thanks for reading! Enjoy!_

"Tony, what's with you? You've been acting strange all day." He sighed and rolled over in the bed to be closer to her.

"I don't know what you mean." He replied, while trying to hold back tears. She huffed with frustration.

"You know. You have been very nice to everyone, even McGee. You've been following me around all day, and you haven't put Mary down until just now when we tucked her in." He closed his eyes as if in pain.

"Oh that." He sniffed. Ziva turned and held his face in her hands, making him look into her eyes.

"Tony. What is wrong?" She demanded to know. A few tears made there way down his face, causing her to worry that much more. He turned her in his arms and clung to her. Hugging her so close that he almost feared he would hurt her. But he needed this. She grabbed a fistful of his shirt in her hand and buried her face into his chest.

"I just love you so much." he cried. She tried to remain calm as she thought about why he was acting this way. "Tony-"

"No Ziva, please just let me hold you." He asked, like it was the thing he wanted most in the entire universe.

"Ok." She said. A lone tear made it down her face as he continued to worry her.

"Ziva promise me something, will ya?" He asked, trying to stop his voice from cracking.

She turned to him and stared deep into his face. "Anything Tony, what is it?"

He squeezed his eyes shut as he asked her.

"Will you promise to love me. No matter what? Please. I need you to promise." He begged. She didn't know what to say, what had he done that he thought she wouldn't love him?

She hadn't answered so he added.

"Just don't hate me, ok?" She so badly wanted to know what he was talking about. But she knew that he just wanted her to be there for him.

"Tony. We are married, we are in love, and we have three beautiful kids. You are an amazing person. Why would you ever think that I would stop loving you?" He turned his had into her neck, trying to remember her scent.

"I -just need you to promise."

"Ok, Tony of course. I promise to always love you. No matter what." She petted his hair as he continued to nuzzle into her neck.

"Thank you." He cried. She laid there and held him, until he calmed down a little and held her in his arms like he would never let her go. She was finally able to drift off to sleep, knowing that she was safe. He watched her fall asleep, and watched her sleep all night long trying to memorize her face.


	2. I love you

Mary my Love.

Chapter Two: I love you

He waited until just before the sun rose to sneak away. He gently lifted Ziva off of him, careful not to wake her. He knew she would wake, but she would just think he was going to the bathroom or to check on the kids. He looked at her one last time savoring the moment of being this close. He kissed her on the head.

"I love you Ziva." He whispered, as he tucked a curl behind her ear.

"I love you too, my little furry bear." She mumbled, half asleep.

He smiled and another tear rolled down his cheek. He left a note for her, right by the bed.

_I love you. Please forgive me._

Then he quietly snuck out the bedroom door and into the hallway. As he walked he took time to look at every single picture on the wall. It was hard, but he wanted to remember them. He made his way to his eldest son's room. Anthony was 10 years old and extremely bright. He was very calm and interested in everything. Tony slowly walked in being careful not to step on any toy navy ships on the way to the bed. He watched as his son's chest rose gently up and down. He had to fight the urge of just grabbing him and holding him to his chest and never letting go. Tony patted his son's head and noticed that his dirty blonde hair was in need of a cut. Anthony stirred in his sleep and Tony was afraid he would wake up. All that he did was mumble something about "the rules" and turn over. Tony chuckled and held back his tears as he walked out of Anthony's room.

He entered his 8 year old son's room and almost tripped on the many toys littering the floor. Elijah was a handful. He was hyper and energetic, never settling down. He was almost the exact opposite of Anthony. He had dark spiky hair, and his mother's brown eyes. He patted his son's back and kissed his head, knowing that he slept through anything. He could have picked him up and taken him with him and he probably wouldn't have woken up. Tony kneeled by Eli's bed, wishing that he could see those eyes one last time. He knew that if he did he wouldn't be able to walk out the door. He bowed his head and mustered enough strength to walk out.

He would have gone into Mary's room but he just couldn't. She was his little girl, his mini- Ziva, his baby. He could never say goodbye to her. Mary was 6, and if there was one thing Anthony and Elijah had in common, it was protecting their little sister. Mary was adorable. She was kind hearted and charming. She was sneaky and had so much of Ziva in her that he couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to that more than once. Her curly hair and brown eyes; He couldn't do it.

He walked past her room looking straight ahead, begging himself not to turn around. He painfully made it to the front door. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to lift his arm and turn the knob. Stepping out, he prayed, he begged, he hopped that it wouldn't be the last time he walked through the door.

As he closed the door behind him he failed to notice the small feet padding down the hall to ask where he was going. He failed to sense the big chocolate brown orbs on his back. And he failed to see his little girl staring after him as he shut the door that now separated him from the things that he loved most in the world.

Mary rubbed her eyes and used both hands to push her curls out of her tired face. She shrugged and made her way back to bed.


	3. Anthony

Mary My Love.

Chapter Three: Anthony

I woke up with a strange feeling. Living with my parents and the way they were, I always had a sense of safety. I always had a feeling that anything could happen at any moment. One minute Ima and Dad would be fighting, angrily whispering so that we wouldn't hear. And the next minute they would be expressing their undying love for each other and randomly deciding to make us a fort out of blankets and chairs.

Their job was the coolest job in the world. Keeping America safe and putting away bad guys.

"Baggin' the baddies" as Eli put it. Or "following Uncle Gibbs around and getting slapped" was all Mary really thought it was. All fun and games. They would understand the full meaning and purpose of their work one day. And so would I.

I knew "the job" got hard. I knew it was a tough life to stay in. Especially staying in it after you've started a family. I saw the way my Dad was after a tough case. He would be less himself and more Agent DiNozzo. If a case got to him, he would bring it home with way he acted. Eli and Mary didn't notice; but I did. I guess that's for the better.

When Mom comes home from a tough one she's a little distant when we first see her. But I guess seeing our faces makes her forget about it. At least, that's what Dad told me.

And when they come home from a good one, where they put a bad guy away and feel all proud; they have a comfortable sense of closer, like they can get on with their lives and now enjoy their kids. I don't really know what it's all about, but I know that I'll know one day.

This morning is different. Somehow I feel like something is missing. Some part of my complete and utter trust in this house keeping me safe has been altered. I sit up and rub my eyes. Mary isn't in my room, so she slept well. Or she slept really, really bad. When Mary is bored and can't sleep she crawls into my or Eli's bed so that she can just drift off peacefully. She told me that she wants to be strong and brave like Mom so she doesn't want to keep going into their room when she gets frightened.

But on really bad nights she sneaks into Mom and Dad's room and cuddles up between them.

I pop out of bed and peak into Eli's room. He's face down in his pillow, his leg flopping off of the bed and his arm hanging off slightly. His blankets are all on the ground and he is snoring rather loudly. This is completely normal for Eli.

Mom says that he sleeps like Dad because he snores. I don't think that Mom knows that she snores worse than Dad. I think I am the only one who doesn't snore in the whole family!

Dad says he sleeps like Mom because he snores and takes up the whole bed.

I agree with Dad.

I run down the hall to Mary's room and find it empty. Never a good sign.

I run down to Mom and Dad's room to see Ima holding a half asleep Mary close to her chest and rocking her gently. She is sitting in the bed with Mary clinging to her lap. I notice that Dad is nowhere to be seen and as I walk closer Mom seems upset about something.

"Boker tov Ima." I greet her quietly. She turns quickly and I see now that at some point this morning her eyes were flowing with tears.

She smiles at me lovingly and I can't help but give her a small smile back. She holds her arm out towards me and I walk into it, burying my head into her shoulder.

"Good morning Anthony. Did you sleep well?" She asks me, avoiding things, I can tell.

"Where's Dad?" I ask, looking around because I don't see him anywhere.

She sits up straighter and I can tell she doesn't really know what to say.

This scares me a bit. Because my Ima always knows what to say.

Then Mary sits up and hugs my neck.

"Good morning." She smirks at me, like she has been up this whole time. Just observing the sounds around her.

Mary has a strange way of speaking with her eyes. It looks like she is asking me to not bring up anything odd at all. Like she's telling me to let mommy be ok, for just a little while longer.

But I can't do it. I look right into my mother's face and ask her again.

"Ima. Where is dad?" She looks right back at me and brushes some hair out of my face. I can tell she's making a mental note that it's in need for a cut. Then she finally answers me.

"I don't know."

And I am somewhat regretting not listening to the wise eyes of my little sister.

_Sorry for not updating in so long. This is going super slow. I warned you! _  
><em>Please review.<em>

_Boker tov - Good morning_  
><em>Ima - Mom<em>


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